A Critical Analysis of the Holy Matrimony Quagmire for the Black Man and Black Woman


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From the Melanin Man:

How ironic I discuss this topic only a couple of days from my anniversary. But I feel the need to get this off my chest right now, so to hell with it.


I haven’t been married that long. Most would assume that I need more years under my belt to be qualified to speak on the topic of marriage, to spit out some worthwhile wisdom.

Well, I beg to differ.

In the four years that I’ve been “officially” married (not counting two years of courting and breaking up, making up sessions), I’ve learned a lifetime’s worth of wisdom regarding this pastime called marriage. And that wisdom has been supplemented with even more knowledge from speaking with older men and elders who have been married (and some cases, divorced!) longer than I’ve been married.

I have observed many things within the confines of marriage, but there are three in particular that stand out to me, such as:

     1.    Man and woman (the definition of a authentic marriage) tend to come into the situation with  unrealistic expectations of who and what their spouse SHOULD be to them. When I decided go through my personal transformation, my wife was supportive when it came to improving my physical health and losing weight, even though she did not like the method that I was going about it. It was major adjustment for her when I dropped meat from my diet, and she continues to this day to remind me how she misses that part of me.

Regarding my intellectually and spiritual growth, she has had major reservations. Giving up religion and traditional concept of God has not gone over well for her. She does not fully respect my newfound opinions on what Black life should be, the importance of melanin, how life and reality is not what it seems, etc. She is weary of the direction that I am going.

2.        In this Westernized version of marriage,  it is virtually impossible to have a relationship (intimate or non-intimate) with the opposite sex, other than your spouse. Surprise, surprise. This one is a given. But if know anything about the nature of man, it is not the most realistic to maintain. Recently in my life, I have came across women who have intrigued me, not necessarily sexually, but mentally and spiritually in ways that have been comparable, and in some cases, more than what I have received from my wife.

And you know the funny thing? I don’t feel once ounce of guilt.

3.         The imagery of a marriage in this society matters a little too much these days. We know marriage will not be “perfect” from any stretch of the imagination. But that doesn’t stop married folk from putting on a front in the midst of family and friends. Everyone wants to play Keep Up With the Jones. Every married couple on some level seeks to strive for that white picket fence, “American Dream” fantasy. Competition, a sacred American tradition, is the sacred underlying factor in all of this.

I’ve never been the competitive type either. At this juncture in my life, I don’t give two flying you-know-whats about what people think about me. Now, my wife on the other hand…

She’s not materialistic whatsoever, but  she does have a very strong tendency to care about what others think about her, and that extends into the family unit. That appears to be a common trait amongst Westernized, Americanized women, no matter ethnicity.


This Westernized, religified version of marriage serves as a microcosm to the current reality that dominates the scene, a restrictive condition to the true nature and potential of the archetypal Black Man and Black Woman.

As I stated in a post concerning the drawbacks of compromising, in reference to individual growth, when both spouses have totally different mindsets it creates problems.  I said it once, I said it twice, and I’ll say it again: MEN CREATE THE REALITY, WOMEN MAINTAIN IT! In my case, I have chosen a mindset that embraces my Black nature, and I desire to create the reality based off of it. My wife, like the majority of our Black women in this paradigm, has the mindset of what I explained in number 3 above (and here.)  And there is the dilemma.

I want nothing to do with that foolishness. It goes against everything that I’m trying to be as a Black Man who is becoming more aware by the millisecond. The sad part about it is that I truly and dearly love my wife, and there is potential in her to cross over into the dark side.

But love is NOT enough in this war for Black liberation.

Despite what has been preached by the state and its sheep, love and marriage are not synonymous with each other. Now, I understand why arranged marriages were prevalent and still occur to this day, basically because it’s not based off the superficiality of love we’ve been duped into practicing these days (Gotta check out “The Science of Love” by John Baines, folks!) Marriage SHOULD be considered a partnership, a business arrangement to achieve a common goal. In the case of liberation for the Black Man and Black Woman and a return back to their archetypal selves, marriage SHOULD be used as a weapon to achieve that goal.

For any other reason, we’re just playing a GAME, like any other card game, board game, or video game we’ve past the time with. That’s what the powers-that-be (or the powers-that-wanna-be) have turned it into, a profitable one on so many levels. And just like any game you play, you have boundaries, rules and regulations you have to abide by.






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(Side note 1: I can do a post strictly on the word “cheat”, and how the powers-that-wanna-be use the label to keep people in check. I just might.)

I always wondered when it came to the topic of having affairs, mistresses, side chicks or side dudes, the accused would be cursed with that label.



Courtesy of Google  :



1. act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage especially in a game or examination.

2. avoid (something undesirable) by luck or skill.


1. a person who behaves dishonestly in order to gain an advantage.



A couple of questions:

1.     If you told your spouse upfront you  were having feelings or thoughts for another man/woman without physically acting on it, would you still be a “cheater?” 

The act has already been birthed in your mind, so the act has already occurred.  That’s what matters anyway…mind OVER matter, baby!

2.    Are you really cursed with sin because you had feelings for another man/woman besides your spouse?

(I’m telling you, you need to check out that book.)

Take a look at nature amongst animals. How many monogamous relationships do you find in the animal kingdom? “But man is greater than animal,” you say. “He should know better than.” Is that your ego talking or are you’re just  repeating what you’ve been told?

I can say with all honesty that the animal kingdom has an advantage. A tiger knows what it is. An eagle knows what it is. A bear knows what it is.

Do you know what you are, Black Man and Black Woman?


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Once upon a time long ago, when Black folk dominated the world stage,  polygamy was not a side-eye taboo. It was our culture. A few countries today still practice the tradition, but it’s not prevalent as it used to be. And definitely not in the regions of the earth that it should be in this day and age.

Every wonder why polygamy is illegal and shunned in the West (the dominant power at the moment?) IGNORE the propaganda, it just so happens the cream-of-the-crop Black Men and Women also reside in the West. Even though the majority of us are the walking dead, our genes are still  second-to-none on the planet. This is due in part to the times of “slavery”, with the mixing of blood between the different captive African tribes.

When the time comes when we WAKE UP (its happening as we speak in bits and pieces), and we practice that culture and walk out our destiny…


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The Black Man, who is connected to his archetypal self and knows HIS-story, has the capability to love more than one woman.  That same Black Man will not fool around with any woman outside of the one he already has if they are not of the same frequency, and if it does not perpetuate a reality of Black empowerment and unity that can benefit ALL PARTIES INVOLVED.

The Black Woman, who is connected to her archetypal self and knows her culture, understands and overstands that her worth is NOT determined by the ability to have and KEEP her man. The Black Woman knows her ability to nurture the spark of that man (his seed, which, in the physical form translates to children, and the mental and spiritual form translates to that reality mentioned previously) is of the upmost importance.


In this paradigm, the state has used marriage in its limited form as a tool to keep not only Black folk, but the masses in general, docile, under control, and for accounting purposes. They have certainly made marriage an institution that is CONSUMERISTIC BY NATURE and only benefits those who wish to keep and maintain power.

What is one of the top reasons for divorce (which is another lucrative byproduct from marriage if and when it dissolves, concocted by the state?)


A consumeristic marriage is a prosperous marriage in this reality.

Remember when I said marriage is only a “microcosm” on what occurs on the grand scale?

Can you imagine a marital union structure that doesn’t have to depend on fiat money to be successful? One where there was less competition and more cooperation and sharing amongst one another?

Less capitalistic and more collective?


Our husbands and wives would stop looking at each other as their property, and more like unique beings in the human form. 

(Side note 2: You apply this thinking in religion, it’s funny how the popular religions of today are styled in monotheism, versus polytheism that was prominent back in the day. Just saying…)


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I can go on and on about this, and there will probably be more posts to follow concerning this matter. But I think I’ve said enough to digest for a while on this one.

What I’ve said I don’t say out of spite or misery.  Because besides the occasional argument me and my wife may have or the observations I listed previously, I’m pretty satisfied with my marriage. We have a good situation going on, according the benchmark set by the current paradigm.

I’m just calling it like I see it. I seek  liberation in and around my life on every level; the status quo doesn’t bother her that much. It is only so far we can go before one of us will have to submit and compromise to keep this ball rolling.

Hopefully it’s not muah. But that’s why we play the game, so to speak.

SMH…that’s a crying shame.



Peace and Love to my melanated family,

The Melanin Man









16 thoughts on “A Critical Analysis of the Holy Matrimony Quagmire for the Black Man and Black Woman

  1. Your articles are always very interesting! Thank you for sharing your story.

    I will say that polygamy, on an informal scale, is acceptable for men. Though of course stigmatized when juxtaposed to black men, and reasoning for their conceptualizing as “animals”—though white man have and continue to do have multiple families as a display of their power.

    I will also say that while I understand the functionality of this system, and it’s restriction from the contractual bonds of marriage as a means to control black population—it’s not something I can support because it’s so one sided.

    Liked by 3 people

    • I understand that completely. On the surface it does appear to be a bit one-sided and a bit unfair from a man’s perspective. But trust me, men who participate or desire to do so are the biggest losers in that activity if they are not aware and fortified in their manhood. And even if they were, I still believe the women win out regardless (and I would apply that line of thinking to monogamy as well!) It is not for the weak or meek of men.

      Even with roles reversed, where the woman is the one with multiple partners, she will win out again. It all comes down to energy exchange. The women is the negative force, she’s made to receive energy. She just has to be careful of the energy she takes in because it’s not all good energy. Which partly explains some of the issues that are prevalent within the Black community.

      But I’m thankful for my marriage. It has been a very insightful experience. If I didn’t go through with it, this blog probably wouldn’t have existed in its current form. I don’t regret it. 😁

      Liked by 3 people

  2. Americans falsely believe that love is something that one person can have for another person outside of the influence of the Supreme. They are mistaken….sadly mistaken. Love is Light. It cannot exist without the Supreme. If you love the Supreme then you have love for everyone….not just the one you are physically attracted to. That is the only last love. European manimals have us believing in their concept of romance with all of their stupid dramas, love stories, fairy tales, etc. It’s a sham. A pink skin has no soul and hence no connection to the Divine. The only thing they can do is mimic our behavior. Romance comes from the word Roman and it basically means “screw” someone until you are tired of them and then find someone else? Is this not what the Jewish media has conditioned us to do? There will be no love between us until we have love for the Creator through our ancestors and not some mythical blue-eyed demon named Jesus who is really nothing but a placeholder for materialism and Satanism. You cannot love anyone when you worshiping false gods….period. And you cannot love anyone without loving the Creator first because all love and light flows through the great he-she. The Divine is not a woman or a man but the perfect balance of both. We been drinking that goddamn cracka kool-aid for too long…..

    As a side note I never use the word God because it is a reference to Gad or Gadreel….a demon that assists Satan and his fallen ones. It’s in the Book of Enoch which they purposely left out of the Bible (buy-bull). Also I never bless people because that means to be-less. God bless you is a curse. Tell someone may the Divine bliss you. No curse there.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Great post, Man. Really.
    I hate to pick out one piece from this post (because there were so many great points), but I’m going to anyway.
    I was watching “Planet Earth: Birds” last night. There are some male birds who are so loud and eye-catching and dance and build elaborate nests to get a lady bird’s attention JUST to mate. There are some who court one lady bird, mate and remain monogamous forever, even if she dies. Then there are those who mate with as many lady birds as possible each mating season. THIS is honestly how I look at hue-men; some are meant to be philanderers. Some are meant to be with one woman for a long time or maybe even a lifetime.

    And unless you’re just lying and betraying your way through life just stomping on hearts, I see nothing wrong with any of these ways of being.

    Liked by 2 people

      • lol give me a better word and I will use it. What do you call the human form of these birds that want to sleep with as many as possible??! No relationships, just sex.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Promiscuous, maybe?? 🤨🤨 it sounds slightly better I guess SMH lol. I don’t agree with being promiscuous/philandering. That activity I don’t agree with whatsoever because it has no purpose behind it besides busting a nut, on both ends. And most of us have been miseducated about sex from day one, giving away our energy (or stealing it) freely, ignorant of the consequences. But to each its own…YOLO right? That’s the mindset these days SMH.

        Liked by 3 people

      • Right. I’m a serial monogamist myself, BUT if someone wants to philander, I appreciate transparency from jump. No one gets hurt unless they decide not to listen and try to change the.. the ho. And hey, some of these folks are keeping the Black population on the incline by spreading their “love” around.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Kelley you tripping me out over here! The ho?? Lol 😄😄😂😂🤣🤣 I’m dying inside literally. Hey, it’s ok, though.

        Liked by 1 person

      • You probably right. I might be a bit confused on what you’re talking about. I don’t wanna be insensitive either. And this is a sensitive topic. Sorry bout that. Sometimes explaining in this format can get wires crossed.


  4. You kept it all of the way real on this joint. I have a close friend who is monogamous and won’t r even think a different way. I respect the way he is. I have been working to be like that but as the days go by I don’t think it’s my lifestyle. Someone said before that black women are going to need polygamy in order to have a STRONG black man. A man that can take care of her and maybe another woman or two. If the goal is to pass down strong black genetics that makes sense. My blood should be spread across this world is we’re going to takeover. Lol. I joke and say that I want one in every state but a lot of truth is said ingest.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The day Black women become more comfortable with polygamy is the day I die and see Jesus. 😂😂😂 I don’t see it. These goddesses out here are very territorial.

      Liked by 1 person

      • I very much enjoyed this piece and the comments. For your last comment, I would say it’s not all black woman that have to accept polygamy, only your own. As a 2 x divorcée I realize that the freedom offered to women in polygamy is not something American women are trained for. At the same time I know a polygamist with two wives who says it’s mite trouble than it’s worth. Could it be because he’s Ghanaian and has grown (and transplanted) his family here and the women have adopted the Jones expectations you speak of? Possibly. I’m way past bearing children but by new mate is very up front about polygamy and it’s wisdom has finally dawned on me. I now get what Queen Mother Moore Warner me about waaaay back. I can’t speak on polygyny though some women can handle it. However our people need to “come out of America” as Elijah said and westernization too, and instead apply the traditional concept of BUILDING through family expansion. This has to include polygamy. Building what is the question. When looked at this light, not only are arranged marriages understandable but also business contracts like Bro. Polite does with his wives. It is ILLUSORY and some kind of SICKNESS to think our families and lives have to look just like Europeans and more of us are getting that truth. The movie Get Out comes to mind when I make these points—it’s other messages notwithstanding. The globe has been our oyster for some time and we must choose to enjoy it. Or perish in the prison we’ve agreed to here. [I’m also at 9princples(dot) org]

        Liked by 1 person

      • We’re on the same page. Quite honestly, it’s the woman who benefits more so than the man in polygamous relationships. A man has to be very disciplined mentally and spiritually with preserving himself and more importantly, his seed, when he’s dealing with multiple women. Only thing a woman has to worry about is being on the same page with the woman(s). She’s the winner in this situation 😌😌


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